OnSpeechwriting

Commencement Speeches: The Bad, the Horrendous, and the Inspired

Commencement season has largely come and gone at universities and colleges around the nation. And, once again, we’re left with the remains of speeches that ran the gamut from wonderful (thank you, Tom Brokaw.) to horrendous (think Ellen DeGeneres).

So, here’s a quick, non-scientific roundup of 2009 commencement speeches. By nonscientific I mean that these are the ones that popped up first on a Google search. (No Obama speech here – I’ve left that to others.) WARNING: IT’S A BIT LONG.

Possibly the biggest surprise is that most of these were pretty bad. If this year’s lot is typical, it’s no wonder why so few people remember their commencement speakers. Many of these speeches had potential but then ran into a variety of self-made traps. Overall, they provide us with a few key lessons.

First lesson: It’s not about you, it’s about the graduates.

Several speeches fell into this trap. For whatever reason, speakers feel that if they’re asked to speak, their life stories must be interesting to the graduates. Well, probably not. A commencement speaker’s first rule is to remember that it’s a day when the graduates are properly the center of attention.

A prime example of breaking that rule? The speech by Mokenge Malafa at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. He gave his life story.  For 17 minutes. He used 59 “I” words and only 21 “you” words, a clear example that he forgot the rule. Compare that to Tom Brokaw’s speech which had only 21 “I” words and 43 “you” words. More about Brokaw in a moment.

Ben Bernanke’s speech at the Boston College School of Law was a little too ego-centric for my taste as well. He starts off well and gave a nice opening and self-deprecating laugh lines about being a commencement speaker. “A practitioner, like me, of the dismal science of economics--and it is even more dismal than usual these days--is not usually the first choice for providing inspiration and uplift.”

Then he took what he’s observed at the Fed and put it into a lesson for the graduates to carry away. At least, that’s what he promised when he spoke about the unpredictability of life. But then falls into the trap of telling too much about himself. I think he could have done better by telling them how to prepare for the random shocks he’s observed. Some practical advice would have been nice.

Second lesson: It’s not about your organization, it’s about the graduates.

This the equivalent of being asked to speak at the Detroit Economic Club and giving a 20-minute pitch for your company. You won’t be invited back. What these speakers forget is that the audience wants their insights, not an ad.

Wendy Koop of Teach for America fell into this trap. Her talk at Washington University offers a false promise by saying she’s there to “talk to you about your choices at this stage of your lives…” Then she delivers example after example culled from the Teach for America archive of marketing stories.

Another example? Rick Klaus of Google. Actually, he could fit into either of the first two categories. Did Klaus really think people want to know that Google indexes as much content every four hours as is in the U.S. Library of Commerce? How’s that for inspiring? Way too much about him and Google, not enough about the audience.

Jamie P. Merisotis, President, Lumina Foundation for Education, shows a better way to mention your organization but keep the focus clearly on the graduates. In his short talk at Spring Arbor University, he starts by thanking the graduates.

“You may not fully realize it now,” Merisotis says, “particularly on a day like today, which is properly focused on celebrating personal victories—but the degree that you've earned isn't just about you or even the loved ones who share this moment with you. It benefits all of us.” He explains his comment by sharing Lumina’s mission to promote college education. Then he quickly gets back to the graduates. Ten minutes and he’s off the stage. Good work.

Third lesson: Passion counts.

Paul Hawken is an environmental activist and author who gave the commencement address at the University of Portland. This is one of the better ones I found.

At first, I thought his speech fell a little too much into the commercial category. The second time through I tried to envision what it must have been like to hear it and came away with a far different perspective. For pure passion, give him an A+. But he does more than share his passion. “Don't be put off by people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done, and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done.” Ah, back to the graduates!

He’s brief – always a plus. And he includes a number of nice rhetorical devices. Rhetorical questions … quotes … sentence variation … and startling factoids like: “Think about this: we are the only species on this planet without full employment.”

This is one of the few where I wished I had been in the audience.

Fourth lesson: Humor has its limits.

For the life of me I can’t figure out why a university would choose to end a graduate’s career with coarse, inappropriate humor. Students spend tens of thousands of dollars and you reward them with a comic they could see on YouTube for free?

Point in case: Tulane University who asked Ellen DeGeneres to provide the entertainment … er, commencement … this year. Tulane needs to get its money back on this one.

Maybe it’s me. The audience laughed, as you can see here. But I can’t imagine a more insulting commencement speech. Not insulting in a racial or ethnic way. But could there be anything more offensive than to be at the pinnacle of your educational career and having to listen to your commencement speaker talk about “boobies” and “knockers.”

Those of you who know me also know I'm not a prude. Far from it. But is this what a celebration of higher education has come to?

Consider this bit of wisdom: “I guess what I'm trying to say is life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with. And you'll be drunk, most of the time.” Ugh.

Fifth lesson: If you want class, ask classy people.

The cream of the crop came from Joe Biden and Tom Brokaw who both provided model speeches.

They both followed roughly the same outline: Offer congratulations … open softly with self-deprecating humor … put the world into perspective … tell the graduates how they can help. It really is that simple.

Brokaw spoke at William and Mary and put the events of the day into perspective better than anyone: “So we know that these are difficult times, but these occasions are reaffirmation of the American dream. And for all the graduates and families and those of us who are privileged to be guests, this (commencement) is a sense of renewal.”

“We may not have given you a perfect world,” Brokaw says later, “but we have given you dynamic opportunities for leaving a lasting legacy …. So where to begin? That's a decision you are best prepared to make. And it will be the most rewarding for you if it is rooted in a personal passion and carried out with purpose, even if the first steps are small.”

He also gave us some of the nicest one-liners. Consider these:

• This may come as a surprise to some of you, but you'll not get a Google alert when you fall in love. … all the search engines in the universe cannot compete with the first kiss.
• It will do us little good, in other words, to wire the world, if we short-circuit our souls.
• It's a lot tougher to make a make a buck these days, but making a difference has its own rich reward.

Joe Biden’s talk at Wake Forest is equally pleasing – a true stand-out. Biden begins by gaining instant rapport and credibility by mentioning he is a father of three. He delivers some good laugh lines and then provides a touching nod to Tim Russert who was originally scheduled to provide the commencement.

I’m sure he meant every nice word. But he was also smart enough to know he could borrow some credibility from Russert. Not a bad idea because he used the entire Russert tribute as a nice segue into his main points.

Biden talked about the world's problems. And then turned to the graduates: “Throughout the span of history though, only a handful of us have been alive at times when we can truly shape history. Without question, this is one of those times, for there's not a single solitary decision confronting your generation now that doesn't yield a change from non-action as well as action.”

And later: “As corny as it sounds, this really is your moment. History is yours to bend. Imagine. Imagine what we can do.”

He also performed a nice trick of picking a few graduates to highlight. Most touching was his story of Fred Hastings who was graduating at age 76.

Best of all, perhaps, was his closing. He took his time and he made it count: “You are the possible. That is not hyperbole. You are the possible. We are the possible. And we have at once finally come to it. So seize it. Seize it. Because if you do not, it will slip from our grasp and determine the world you live in while you sit idly by.”

Commencement speeches aren’t difficult to write if you can remember the lessons above. Remember the occasion. Remember the audience. Use humor wisely (and briefly). Set the table by giving your perspective on the world. And leave them with something to chew on.

Obama Gaffe Highlights One Risk of 'Light-hearted' Interviews

Every communicator who was watching winced at the same time. As soon as the words came out we all – at least those of us not in the White House – grimaced and said, “Glad it wasn’t my boss.”

The words came last week from President Obama when he tried to joke about his bowling deficiencies with Jay Leno. “It was like the Special Olympics or something,” the President quipped. Here's a link to the entire transcript. Here are links to YouTube videos.

And with one line, the real purpose of his visit – to bolster support for his budget and bailout plans – was overshadowed. It may not be fair but that’s still a part of our PC-heavy world. One slip of the tongue and even the most well-reasoned PR strategy gets second guessed.

And this was on top of the criticism that the appearance with Leno trivialized a very important subject. “At times,” Alessandra Stanley wrote in the Washington Post after the fact, “he may have seemed a little too removed (from everyday worries).”

After events like this, two questions naturally arise:

1) Are opportunities like this worth the risks?
2) What can we do to make them a success?

The answer to both rests with your expectations and your definitions of success.

Like any event, there should be a stated goal to measure success against. With public speaking, I often break the goals down into one of five areas: Informing, Creating Understanding, Reinforcing Values, Changing Attitudes and Eliciting Action.

With a goal in mind, you can determine what type of public appearance or speaking event will help you achieve that goal. You must surrender to the event and work within its limitations. If your goal were to simply Inform an audience, for example, an appearance on Leno probably wouldn’t work. There’s simply not enough time to deliver details in that kind of light environment. That’s not why the audience is there.

Likewise, it’s probably not a good place to Elicit Action, either, because the audience needs a lot of preparation before they can act.

My guess is that the White House wanted to achieve a goal that fell somewhere in the middle. They either wanted to Reinforce the belief that the President’s financial plans were in line with American values or wanted to Change American’s perceptions that the plans were less than what was promised on the campaign trail, a growing concern. And much of that could be achieved by tapping into Obama’s deep reservoir of credibility and admiration and even borrowing credibility from Leno himself.

The goal itself is questionable, however. Most Americans seem willing to give Obama the benefit of the doubt and give him room to work. Since they don't need reinforcement - perhaps their polling says something different? - the risks were high.

A more important consideration for us, however, is how can we use this episode to make better decisions for our own speakers. Are the risks worth putting your speaking into a light-hearted interview session such as this? Is it appropriate to joke when serious issues abound?

Here are a few things to consider:

1. Know and agree to the format ahead of time – It always amazes me to see guests on the Stephen Colbert Show who clearly have never seen his satirical interview style. Do the due diligence ahead of time. Know what you’re getting into.
2. Understand the limitations – Every opportunity has its advantages and limitations. Leno is great for reinforcing values but terrible at Creating Understanding. A speech at the Chief Executives Club of Chicago may be great for Creating Understanding but not very good at basic Informing.
3. Focus on one or two key, easily understandable messages – In any environment, choose your key messages appropriately. Resist your speaker’s temptation to “tell the whole story.”
4. Go for a feeling, not a message – Sometimes the best you can do is go for a feeling. Just showing up says a lot about the speaker’s character and that’s fine. Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell is a master of this. He is good at “surrendering to the joke” and using his appearances on Colbert and other places to reinforce an impression that he “gets it.”
5. The messenger is as important as the message – Not every speaker can pull off a light-hearted interview. They’re often stiff and humorless and sometimes don’t even know it. Bottom line: don’t ask them to do something they can’t.
6. Use it to fortify, not supplant, more traditional communication vehicles – These types of events should always be considered “add-ons” to your strategy, not in lieu of the basic plan.
7. It’s all about credibility, baby – At their core, appearances like this are all about reinforcing credibility and core values. The audience needs to come away with the belief that the speaker “is one of us” and shares their interests.

So you can succeed. These types of “lighter” appearances can be helpful. But they must be chosen with the right goal in mind. Resist the temptation to over-reach. Keep in mind it’s just one part of the overall plan, one more drop in the bucket. And even if your speaker commits a “Special Olympics” gaffe, you have a deeper and more robust strategic plan in place to overcome it.

Barnes Speech Does a Lot of Things Right

Most often here I like to ferret out speeches you might not see elsewhere, examples of good (and not-so-good) speechwriting to move us all forward. But every now and then I run across a speech that someone else has found that just begs for more attention. Such is the case with a speech by Craig Barnes, who is alternately described as an author, playwright, essayist, trial lawyer and negotiator. 

I first read his speech – A Second American Revolution – in the February issue of Vital Speeches. So a tip-of-the-hat to Editor Tom Daly for alerting us to it. It's a post-election speech subtitled: Good Men and Desperate Times are Ripe for Change.

Simply put, this is one of the best speeches I’ve read in some time.

What makes it so good? A lot of stuff done right.

• He begins with a story – which sets the tone and flows into the thesis
• He gives a solid structure – a classic 1, 2, 3 structure that’s tailored for the audience to follow
• There's ample use of anecdotes, quotes and research – I am tempted to say they were spread throughout the speech but it’s more like they’re sewn into the speech and help tie it together. These help keep it interesting.
• Barnes relies on a variety of source material – Perhaps because of his diverse background, Barnes pulls on poets, current commentators and pundits, Adam Smith, Genesis, historical references, Winston Churchill, Greek philosophy and more.
• His arguments are sound - stated plainly and solidly supported without being too heavy.
• His use of rhetorical devices is great.
• The language is fresh, imaginative and engaging  – “To say it another way, for thirty years at least, we have been guided by myths that greed is good, strength comes from guns, and the world is divided between good and evil. These metaphors are not dead, but at the end of 2008, they are gasping, writhing on the ground.”

There’s more, but you get the picture.

This is a speech to make you think, to question your assumptions and to engage your intellect. On top of that, it's also entertaining. I imagine it would have been a knock-out with the audience.

Check it out when you have a good 25-30 minutes to read through it. If you have more time, keep perusing his website for other commentary and speeches. It’s time well spent.

European Commission Speech: A Showcase in Structure, Language

I was talking with a friend about the state of international speeches the other day and he said that, in his opinion, most international speeches are missing some of the same attributes of those given in the U.S.: quotes, anecdotes, statistics. Those little things that often give a speech life. The speeches for the most part, he said, were workmanlike and without embellishments.

So I went looking for some examples. Almost immediately I ran across one that fit that mold. What surprised me, though, was that it was also a great example of structure and language, a model of how to write a perfectly good problem-solution speech even if you don't use some of the stylistic add-ons so common in the U.S.

The speech is from José Manuel Durão Barroso, president of the European Commission and was given in Prague on March 2. The European Commission is "the executive brance of the European Union.  The body is responsible for proposing legislation, implementing decisions, upholding the Union's treaties and the general day-to-day running of the Union," according to Wikipedia.org. The speech was given to celebrate and highlight the successes in the five years since the EC membership was englarged.

Barroso begins with what seems a typical "thank you." But five paragraphs later, he's still at it, thanking those in the audience. My initial thought was that he stayed at that part just a bit too long. And then at the last minute, he explains his reasoning.

"I feel it is important today to highlight these facts up-front and clearly," he says. "Particularly as the consequences of the global financial and economic crisis work their way through our societies to devastating effect.

"If we are to continue to realise the full potential of the European Union during these difficult times, a basic condition must be respected: that coherence and solidarity are not pushed to one side. On the contrary, they should be reinforced."

And a thesis is born: the importance of member states to avoid nationalistic measures that will undermine all the good work the EC has accomplished.

This is a nice bit of style. Pump the audience up, congratulate them on their work and then explain why they need to keep it up. But he's not finished. In fact, he's just getting started showing the structural components of a good problem-solution speech.

First, Barroso defines the problem. Then he presents the alternative solutions to the problems. These are straw man descriptions that he can quickly - but effectively - knock down. Then he provides his solution and reinforces it with a nice emotional reminder that the enlargement of the EC coincided with the 20-year anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall.

So in a sense, this is a workmanlike speech so far. What sets this speech apart is his language, a refreshing mix of evocative wording and sentence variation that helps the audience stay engaged.

After mentioning the amount of money being spent to shore up lagging economies, for example, he says: "These are large sums of money, showing the EU is serious about solidarity. And the Commission will always be on the side of those who want to make solidarity a reality for our citizens."

No one can argue with that.

And later he gives us this nice line: "As businesses fail, and job losses mount, the siren voices of economic nationalism are making themselves heard again, as if we have learned nothing from the 1930s." Followed by a quick one-two punch: "But there is one small problem for those hoping economic nationalism will protect them: it won't."

In all, this speech is a success. Great language. Great sentence variation. Great, classic structure. It may not have quotes and anecdotes and jokes, but at this rate, who cares. It gets the job done.

'Real Leaders' is the Real Deal for Leaders

The book title says it all: Real Leaders Don't Do Powerpoint. Published just this month, the new book will quickly makes its mark among the best leadership communication books. But don't let the title fool you: this is more than a book about PowerPoint. By author and speech coach Chris Witt, it's a total book about what leaders need to do to sell themselves and their ideas.

First, though, about PowerPoint and why Chris Witt rightly doesn't trust it to do the job for real leaders. "In the first place," he writes, "it is best suited for presenting information, not influencing or inspiring an audience."  And there in a nutshell is the entire argument.

Real leaders, Witt says, should only give three speeches:

• To identify - tell audiences who they are or who they can become
• To influence - shape the way audiences think and feel
• To inspire - make audiences want to act

Unfortunately, PowerPoint is only good for one thing: presenting information. He's right. Anyone in the organization can present information. It's the most basic type of speech. Yes, sometimes leaders do have to do these. In front of special audiences like financial analysts who thrive on detailed slides of graphs and charts.

But that part of a leader's job is limited. They should aspire to more, an argument Witt makes convincingly for both the leader and leader-to-be.

"Remember," Witt writes, "audiences don't want leaders to speak like everyone else. They hold leaders to a higher standard, demanding more of them."

But as I said, that's a small part of the book. Don't think this is a 200 treatise against PowerPoint. It's also a primer on how to construct and deliver a speech.

Witt covers everything from audience analysis to the importance of storytelling and from why structure is critical to how to handle the inevitable question and answer period.

Consider it a good addition to your bookshelf.